it's amazing how the world spins. how one moment you feel like you're at the bottom and the next you realize that nothing the world can ever throw at you will take away the things that are really, truly valuable in life.

i realized that tonight. i've been pretty depressed the last week or so. i suppose anyone on the outside would say that i've got plenty of reason to be. for christ's sake, i'm living in my fucking van. i don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out. i'm down to nineteen dollars. i don't even have enough gas to get anywhere. i'm fucked. i don't what i'm going to eat tomorrow or where i'm going to park this heap of shit that contains everything i own. life fucking sucks.

but you know what? i just finished compiling the photos that i'll be showing in a real, true-life gallery starting June 12th. sure, to most people that's nothing, but it's a dream come true for me. i've been trying to make this happen for three years. and it's finally coming to fruition. to me, that's cause for celebration.

it could be worse, right? at least i've got the nineteen bucks. i've got a beer in my hand, albeit a warm one. i've got a few cigarettes left. and the most important thing is that i've got air in my lungs. i'm not six feet under. life is still going. and as far as things go, that's a fucking lot.

i've chosen twenty-seven pieces to show. you can see them here. it was a pain in the ass choosing them. there was no way i was going to be able to do it without some beers, thus i'm in the mood i am in now. i had to cut a lot of shots that i really wanted to include. i think what i've chosen represents the photographic journey that i've been on so far well.

i considered including some of my portrait work, but ultimately, i don't think people appreciate my portraits nearly as much as i do. it helps when you have an emotional connection with the people that are in the shots. of course, that probably opens people back up to reasons for me to be depressed. and i'll grant you that none of those situations turned out quite like i would have wanted them to. but as the inimitable lord tennyson so poignantly suggested, it's better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all. so fuck it, i've got more reasons to be grateful than not. and as far as i'm concerned that's enough to keep me going at least a bit longer.

anyway, thought i'd show you which pieces i'm going to be showing. as always, i hope this finds you well.

be excellent to each other



ajm