nothing major. just a quick update.

finally got a job. actually two of them. working insane hours but i get to be outside which is good for my soul. surrounding myself with people who are drama-free and relatively good influences on my life. being a good kid and taking my meds too. well, the ones i can afford. one of them is like a hundred and eighty bucks a month. not going there. but the others are relatively affordable. they make me a zombie like all those meds seem to do, but it's better than writing my own obituary and making plans. anyway, TMI. facing forward on to bigger and better things...

had a big bonfire saturday night. being out in the country has a lot of advantages. not the least of which is a lot of shit laying around that makes goos fuel. at it's climax the fire was about fifteen feet high, and we were a little concerned that it might burn down one of the barns out there. no worries though, we kept it under control for the most part.

sent a lot of things into the fire that needed to go there; the six notebooks i had filled up with poisonous shit ever since about mid-april, a few sentimental items that i had no business holding on to, some stuff that vagabonds along the road have left in my van, all the mail that had piled up at my aunt's house since last november, etc. it was cathartic. but it wasn't malicious. that's the big difference between times that i'd done that in the past and now. there was no anger or bitterness in my heart, just a sense that it was time to move on and that those things were holding me back.

speaking of moving forward, i have two trips planned for July. over the Independence Day weekend i'm heading to Memphis. gonna hang out on Beale street, eat some hellacious barbecue, go to the civil rights museum, and maybe even go to Graceland. on the fourth there's a kickass fireworks show over the river. can't wait to see that.

i'll be hanging out with my dear friend Jamey and Jeannine and her bf Adam. i think they even have a casino or two down in Mississippi that we'll visit. oh wait, maybe not. the youngster presents issues with that '

then on the weekend of the 15th i'll be heading over to Tulsa to hang out with another friend Kim (*vampyriccadence) we're going to take some photos and 'arty.' so far the party plans consist of dr. pepper and guitar hero, which is totally fine by me. i might to get to shoot a couple bands that she knows so that will be spiffy.

i've also been on MM trying to set up some other shoots in both cities. if it works out i'll have a good start to my portrait portfolio. that will be cool. i'm trying to not feel like a creepy old man when talking to these young ladies. it's hard though. i mean, what are you supposed to say? so far i've kept it VERY professional and gotten some good responses. but there's still that little tinge of feeling like a creep. i guess that goes away with time. at least i hope it does.

there is some bad news. i didn't get into the Art of Photography show in San Diego so i don't get to go to California which, strangely, i was really looking forward to.

i've also been on a hatchet-burying mission that has worn on me a little. overall it's good, but it can be a bit stressing. last week i was really really pissy for a couple days. i couldn't figure out why. then i talked to rachel (my ex-wife) on the nineteenth. turns out that it was the anniversary of our divorce and the 21st was the anniversary of our tremendously brief marriage. i hadn't consciously thought about that for a long time, but my subconscious was reminding me without actually telling me why. we had a really good talk though, and i'm even more at peace with it than i was.

the other hatchets that i've buried over the last couple weeks are between myself and the other parties, but it's been good for me, and hopefully good for them. bitterness eats me alive and it's nice to put that shit in the past.

that's about it for now folks. my connection is awful so that's why i'm not posting. there's lots to post when i get to it though, so keep your eyes open.

be excellent to each other



ajm